Political Humor

It is not like last week’s Democratic National Convention that is for sure. There were all kinds of moonbats and crazies running around in Denver and that’s only counting the people giving speeches and most of the talking heads of MSNBC.  This week’s Republican National Convention is, well how shall I say, kinda frigging boring?

Before the RNC got going this week, John McCain spent time with his son putting together care packages for people in the affected areas of Hurricane Gustav. As the Republican Presidential candidate, McCain was concerned about even the minute details of the convention.

Of course there was the big joke played on first-time RNC-goer Joe Lieberman…

They switched all the coffee to decaf right before his big speech and the entire audience fell asleep. But in a final funny twist it turned out nobody ordered coffee. Those funny Republicans.

Outside at least there were some of those crazy people protesting silly causes. This group is probably defending gay rights for animals or something stupid like that.

See I told you. Why do all the people who believe in 911 conspiracies wear cargo shorts by the way? Must be some kind of uniform they have to wear or something, I don’t know. And if you ask them why, I am pretty sure it would go like how underpants gnomes explain profit…

George W. Bush showed up on video with a pep rally speech for McCain, the man he trashed in the last two elections. Hey look, Bush may have not been the best President and sure he may have taken liberties with our Constitution but is that any worse then a female intern’s liberty in a closet in the White House? Six of one, half dozen of another I say.

Speaking of the ladies, the highlight of course was last night’s speech by Republican Vice-Presidential candidate Sarah Palin.

After that speech the moonbats must have sprung into action, riding their bikes down to Starbucks to blog against the very things they believe in. The Republican National Convention might not have had the spice of the other half of the dysfunctional political system but they sure kept the crazies on the left of the blogsphere and the mainstream media busy playing Hippocrates with Sarah Palin.

On second thought, maybe the Republican National Convention wasn’t so boring after all.

Chris Cameron writes this weekly political humor column every Thursday. You can also read his own odd and strange humor as his own humor blog, Angry Seafood.

Humor-Blogs.com has a funny blog convention all the time, 24/7. Go there to laugh at other people’s misfortunes and lolcats or protest, it is your call.

Last week we were treated to the Democratic National Convention. Even though there is no such thing as a Democratic Party. It’s actually the Democrat Party, but I’m sure I’m not going to convince anyone that there is no Democratic Party, unless they already know that they are Democrats, and not Democratics. By treated, I mean like a cancer patient undergoing chemotherapy. Complete with nausea, vomiting, hair loss, and Joe Biden’s hair plugs.

So, Tens of millions of Americans tuned in last week to America’s Got No Talent. What’s that? It’s called America’s Got Talent? I just assumed from the complete lack of talent demonstrated on the show that it was called America’s Got No Talent. Well, if America’s Got Talent, then none of it is none of it is present on the show by the same name.

Am I the only one who saw this show for the first time and thought, “Holy crap! This makes American Idol look like television for smart people?” Don’t even get me started on how much I hate David Hasselhoff. I think I covered that pretty well on my recent blogger interview. My only hope is that one day, there will be a contestant whose act is to stomp “the Hoff” into a puddle. Then, of course, there’s Jerry Springer. Do you know that he was once the mayor of Cincinnati, thus proving conclusively that people from Ohio should never ever be allowed anywhere near a voting machine.

But I seem to have strayed off topic a bit. This is not about the Hoff, or America’s Got Talent, or TV shows that make you demonstrably dumber by watching them. This is about political conventions.

Did you notice how Hillary Clinton looked like she had murder in her eyes while she endorsed the candidacy of Barack Henry Obama? She looked like Christopher Walken in a homicidal nightmare. I suppose President Obama made some sort of speech about checking the tire pressure in our cars, and brushing our teeth before we go to bed, and may have even asked for some assistance removing that bucket that’s perpetually stuck on his head.

But that was all overshadowed by McCain’s announcement of his running mate, Alaska Governor Sarah Palin. Acording to the Republican National Convention schedule, the Hot Vice Presidential candidate will take to the stage tonight at the Republican National Convention. The attendee’s of the RNC will rise and salute the VP nominee, and she will chastise them to sit back down or she will be forced to rip off her top and start paddling.

They don’t call the Librarian Hot VP contender Paddlin’ Palin for nothing. Ok, so that’s just something I made up, and it’s completely based on something that has only happened in my own mind. Although, from reports I’ve been seeing from the moonbats, they’re just as raging with hormonal induced fantasies about Sarah Palin as the rest of us non-gay males are.

In their fantastic delusions, photoshopped images of gun wielding babes are somehow a negative to the McCain/Palin ticket. Try as they might to make it look like she’s about to head out on a shooting spree of the homeless, black people, and war protesters, one can’t help but wish the Sarah Palin bikini pics weren’t so obviously photoshoped.

Sarah Palin is hot, and she’s a supporter of a drill, drill, drill policy. This is good, because I also think we should push for drilling in the Alaskan bush.

I’m certain that the Democrats will continue to attack Sarah Palin on her lack of experience (See also, jobs Barack Obama is almost qualified for), the snoozefest of a “scandal” surrounding 17 year old daughter Bristol Palin, and her obvious femininity which runs so contrary to the feminist agenda.

Although the feminists may believe that women are only as good as men when they look and act like them, at this political humor site, we stand behind Sarah Palin, firm and rigid in our support, excited by the announcement, as we thrust forward towards the election. We’ll be tugging for her.

Sarah Palin Speech Video

H/T College OTR
More at the Politico.

Since I bumped it so quickly, be sure to check out the latest from Les James, When Politicians Fly. Also be sure to welcome him to his new satire and parody site, Sideshow Mirrors. Vote your favorite posts at Humor-Blogs.com.

Now that the Olympics are over, are you feeling a hole in your well adjusted lives? Are you sad to see that Michael Phelps still hasn’t learned to share?  Does the thought not watching under aged Chinese girls repeatedly being subjected to limb damaging routines have you weeping nostalgically?  Afraid that you won’t witness great human drama like steroid shooting runners competing or booing out of control, medal throwing wrestlers? Me too.

So I’d like to offer some relief.

We’ve all heard the phrase: “Can’t trust politicians as far as I can throw ‘em.”

Many of us have said it. Some have actually considered it. Cliche? Maybe. A trifle bromide? Possibly. But it begs the question, just how far can you throw a politician?

They’ve screwed with our lives. They’ve screwed with our freedoms. I’ll be damned if they’re going to take away all of the happiness that I want to pursue.

I’m about 6′2″ 200 plus pounds. I’ve got bit of a gut but still for my age, pretty solid. I’ve been active all my life and I don’t think I could throw Ted Kennedy at all. I fact, I’d be down right scared to get close to him. All he’d have to do is trip…

Nancy Pelosi on the other hand, I’d grab a wrist and an ankle and spin her like the hammer throw. Still I don’t think she’d land but a few feet away from me.

This isn’t really what I had in mind and not very much fun.

What about smaller, less manly individuals? What about the handicapped? Don’t they deserve the same opportunity to fling a lawmaker an equal distance? This is America -at least for now- isn’t it?

Circus. That could be the answer. Big, high flying, three ring, death defying, no net circus. Although it soon becomes rather obvious that we’ll never get politicians to stick their heads into lion’s mouths or ride motorcycles in the Ball of Death, unless they’re up for re-election soon. Nor will we persuade them to perform on the trapeze. But a gun to the head will get a lot of sleazy elected officials on the high wire. The rest we could parade off to the cannon.

Yeah, you’re right. It isn’t exactly tossing, is it? But it could be fun. So where do we go to find a way for all to enjoy one of our inalienable rights?

Maybe the answer is catapults! That’s seem like it would fit the bill nicely. The cat part you can figure out yourselves.  But did you know that apultusis is from the Latin and means to hurl a great distance. Now I’m not suggesting we fling felines, but spineless pussys…

Brings a whole new meaning to getting tossed out of office.

Catapults can be constructed from all nature, biodegradable materials. They’re easy to build. They use no fossils fuel and are almost a zero on the carbon footprint scale. But best of all, they’re a blast! Get some of your friend together, ratchet that puppy back, load in one non-compliant dirt-bag, and with a simple flip of a lever…Magic.

We could hold regional contest to see who could toss one the farthest. Have a lottery for the chance to trip the switch. I’d bet it’d get initial coverage on ESPN, but soon all the networks would want in on the action. We could sell ad space. Think about it. For once these nasty creatures will be actually making money while doing the will of the people.

Imagine this, the Super Bowl of Lawmaker Lobbing: A packed stadium, millions of people tuned in worldwide, Vegas odds makers, the Budweiser Clydesdales, the Dallas Cowboy’s cheerleaders; the possibilities are endless.

This could wipe out the national debt in a very few years. Social Security would actually be. A well funded and well paid military, you bet. And tons of left over cash, filling the national coffers to overflowing. Now you want to talk about universal health care? Sure, because we’d be secure in the knowledge that this is a natural resource that will never run dry.

Les James has more of this type of crap over at his humor blog, Sideshow Mirrors.